March 2012
1 post
1 tag
why did i drink almost a gallon of water before...
because i’m a man, and i like to challenge myself even when i’m sleeping.
February 2012
36 posts
3 tags
that awkward moment when try to put on underwear...
butt. ass. naked.
Watchhur cut vid
lately my days have turned into thinking about...
it’s an endless cycle filled with lots of food and tons of ice cream.
3 tags
there is no alcohol in this coffee
Watchit’s saturday nighttttt
i'm that guy that walks around his house with no...
Me: just put on a damn sweatshirt
Me: no! it’s too restraining.
Me: then quit complaining, you idiot.
Me: maybe i’ll just turn the heat up
Me: and make it 80 degrees? you’re hopeless.
Me: YOU’RE HOPELESS.
3 tags
my landlord just suggested i use the same...
apparently she has a dermatologist friend that she meets in the hospital parking lot during his breaks and he diagnoses her dog.
sounds like the guy for me.
2 tags
Anonymous asked: How tall are you?
2 tags
2 tags
someone took my parking spot at my house
Me: REALLY? i will kill your entire family and chainsaw your babies! there'll be hell to pay and clouds across the sun!
Friend: oh my god. where did that come from?
Me: it's a quote from jack's mannequin.
i don't care if it's not even 10, i just want to...
dinner with friends
Friend: so it looks like we're going to be the 5th and 6th wheel because ____ and _____ are bringing their boyfriend and girlfriend. so lame.
Me: so all we have to do is make them feel more uncomfortable by making out the entire time?
Friend: pretty much. i can head over to your place beforehand so we can arrive as a couple too.
Me: perfect, text me when you're on your way so i'll remember to take my pants off.
Friend: i'll change into something irresistible.
Me: we can take shots before we go too.
Friend: this is going to be a great night.
Why didn't anyone notify me sooner that deleting...
—is this a new thing going on? everyone is deleting me off facebook. even though i’m not really sure who has deleted me, i have casually noticed my friend count drop by like 30…
oh well. all i need is me and my hand.
it's my friday and i'm tempted to go to bed before...
drinking beer in my underwear makes me lethargic.
1 tag
Girl: it was so nice to talk to you. i kinda have a fetish with redheads.
Me: haha, oh really?
Girl: yeah, because i'm half black and half vietnamese. so there are few of us, like gingers.
Me: you're right, we have so much in common!
4 tags
7 tags
and i got a job
woo woo
Friend: we have our exam on tuesday
Me: WHAT? WHY?!
Friend: the university doesn't just shut down for valentine's day adam. god.
Me: we don't even have that class on tuesday though...
Friend: oh. yeah. typo. monday.
Me: valentine's day is coming up?
4 tags
Jeff: Look, backseat birther. Shirley's on her third kid. She doesn't need a thirty-year old slacker with two one-eyed cats governing her body.
Britta: First of all, together, my cats can do anything. Secondly, you disqualified yourself from this conversation the moment you decided to grow a wang.
Jeff: I regret nothing.
Britta: I feel sorry for the airhead you're gonna knock up at the age of 70. You're gonna be sitting in the waiting room playing solitaire on your Blackberry while a life is created ten feet from you.
Jeff: Oh and you're gonna squat in a babbling brook and a beautiful starchild is gonna slide out on a ray of sunshine while your cats each half watch because you're so natural.
3 tags
thelastshepherd replied to your photo: i keep subconsciously licking it like a puppy. …
Is it cracked? Os is that whole part missing?
half of it is missing. supposedly it got infected from the ocean in oz, and now it’s slowly dying off.
sometimes i think i’m turning into a zombie.
6 tags
i need some monday madness
it’s tough being the only person with no class on tuesday.
all i wanna do is get drunk and messy. is that too much to ask for?
1 tag
1 tag
how to feel like a celebrity:
go to the grocery store when it’s 30 degrees outside wearing flip flops, board shorts and a singlet, holding only a bag of chicken wings.
people will stare.
thanks all, but my crisis was averted
your comments were much appreciated, but after i complained enough, my friend let me borrow one of his suits. good thing too, because every other person there was wearing a suit…
anywho. the interviewer liked how confident i am, how detailed i was with my answers, and that i smile when i talk.
3 tags
3 tags
it's good to be alive
3 people i knew died this week, and a friend that has been in the hospital for 2 months is getting worse.
i have never felt so fortunate for my family and me right now. we had just a small taste of what death of a family member could be like, and i wasn’t even able to handle that. i can’t even imagine the pain and confusion those families are going through..
this week has been a...
ever since i infected my finger and started...
i’ve had a weird urge to play zombie games on xbox.
does that make me a murderer of my own kind?
do i hate myself and need to talk it out?
January 2012
33 posts
my parents adopted a new puppy dog
i can’t wait to meet my new brother, Clayton!
the best part about it is his name will be very similar to Packer player, Clay Matthews. it was meant to be.
so i skyped with delaney yesterday. it was the first time in 2 months we’ve seen/talked to each other and, at 3:30 in the afternoon, neither of us were sober. surprise surprise.
she has to be one of the craziest people i’ve ever met and i miss her so much. we talked about how we’ve been drinking more to try to make us not miss oz as much, but instead it just makes us miss it...
that awkward moment when you have blood on your...
and then two questions pop into your head:
am i dying?
or am i a sleep serial killer?
finally made it back to the gym
and you know what? i have no reason to be self conscious, because none of the guys are as massive as the aussie gym goers.
yay for normal sized americans!
sometimes when i wake up
I won’t talk for a very long time. usually i’ll just walk around my apartment and get ready for the day while only having conversations in my head.
doing that makes things weird when i get to class and someone actually speaks to me, because i haven’t adjusted my voice for the day. so when i finally reply, i sound either groggy, too loud or quiet, or i won’t even...
colocke asked: adam why the shit did you go back to utah.... did aus teach you nothing??
it's weird hearing people comment on how "big"...
i look at myself in the mirror and i’m definitely not some giant muscle now; i still feel pretty skinny.
it’s concerning when people ask if i gained 20-30 pounds, because when i try to imagine myself looking that skinny before i left…shit that’s skinny.
but no. i have barely gained even 10 pounds. maybe my body just sorted itself out.
4 tags
Watchrear ended!?!
1 tag
Me: ugh mom, i got pretty drunk last night.
Mom: on a wednesday? this is what you do with your free time? adam....why aren't you looking for a job?
Me: it was great time management. i was being social and not sitting alone by the fire playing xbox.
Mom: you need a job.
Me: that's a daytime problem.
